I'll be happy when....

I'm always chasing my elusive happiness.

I'll be happy when...
I lose this extra weight.
I have more money.
I have a clean house.
I'm on vacation

Today I want to just be happy.  Stop running after it.  Just be it.

I am happy because...
I got to catch up with a friend.
I have a hot cup of coffee in front of me.
I can hug my kids when they get off the bus.
I will hold my husbands hand when I sleep.

It's a choice, the postponed joy or the one in front of us.

Holding back

My son William, or Will as he now calls himself, has an April birthday.  The current trend of waiting a year to start kids with summer birthdays makes him one of the youngest in his class.  This wouldn't be a big deal, if he wasn't also one of the shortest and slowest readers.  He is surrounded by giants, a full head or more taller than him, who are reading chapter books.

All year my husband and I have debated on having him repeat 1st grade.

 I was fearful of all the social stigmas and emotional drama that may occur.  I don't want him to feel like a failure.   Holding him back would also mean his little sister would be in the same grade.  She is already an excellent reader and doesn't help Will's wavering self confidence.  (And that is why you should never have Irish twins!)

My husband fully believes that another year to grow and mature will help him succeed in school and life.  That he will make new friends and life will carry on.  Obviously my husband is not the emotional one in the family.

The school year is coming to a close.  I knew we (I) had to make a decision, so after one last conversation with my husband and Will, I told the teacher and school we were going to retain him.

Several forms have come home and there will be a team meeting with at least 5 administrators to make the final decision.   The forms do show him to be an excellent candidate for retention...except for the sister. And I feel better knowing that experienced professionals will be a part of the process.

Yet a small (or maybe not so small) part of my hy heart still worries.  Not just about his success in first grade, but the path his entire life will take.  What do these early struggles say about his future?  Can a slow learner become an amazing scholar  or does that even matter in todays world?  

I always thought of myself as an empathetic person,  yet I now realize that I had quite wrong opinions about children who were struggling in school.   I learned easily, on schedule, and I thought anyone could succeed if they tried.  But not everyone can learn at the expected pace or in the standard manner.

Schools are currently set up to teach all kids in one style, regardless of gender or skills.  Our children are grouped by age, rather than abilities, interests, and energy levels.  I think this is a disservice to our children,  not only for those who struggle but also those who need more challenges.

I never thought about any of this until it became personal.   And now that it is, I want so much more for my kids, all our kids and for our educational system.