Wolves in the walls, ghost in the corners

My son is certain that when people die they become spirits for a while.   These real and scarcy spirits haunt the corners of his room, the darkness under his bed, the shadows down the hall.

Around the age of two, he became certain there were wolves living his his walls, scratching from within, staring at him in the darkness.

When we moved into a new house, just before his 5th birthday, the wolves went away.  The ghosts came instead.

I was the same when I was little.  I used to blame my dad, his dark sense of humor.  He would purposely jump at you from dark corners to hear you scream.   But I've never purposely scared my son and he is still afraid.

What is it in my son's  internal wiring, so like mine, that makes him sensitive and fearful.   And how will this effect the man he is to become?   Will puberty fill him with mind and body changing testosterone, replacing fear with confidence and strength or will he continue to struggle with the monsters of his imagination?

I cherish the imagination and uniqueness of my son, and want to encourage those traits, even as I feel the need for him to embrace courage and strength.   A balanced man, one in tune with his mind, heart and body could be a powerful thing.  But to create one, that is a challenge.

Slumber party

  When I was 6, I entered the world of slumber parties.  A night of dancing, laughing, truth or dare and one girl being tortured for falling asleep first.  Eventually the parents of the house started to loose their cool and grumble about us going to sleep.  Eventually we all did.

 Two weeks ago my daughter turned 6.  Like clockwork she asked for a slumber party birthday!  I groaned, but allowed it to happen.

They were wonderful little girls, who laughed, played games and chased after fireflies in the dusk of the night.  But like all girls before them, they too were told to go to sleep, many, many times.

When the last girl went home the next morning, my daughter and I looked and felt terrible.  We do not do well when we are short on sleep.  Yet I know my daughter will ask to have and go to many more slumber parties in her life....and I will allow it.

There is so much to be learned and experienced when spending countless hours with friends.  Conversations get to take their full course, relationships grow, feelings get hurt and mended.  And you learn about life, love and boys in the whispered darkness.  

Jenny McCarthy

Isn't it funny how once you start thinking about something or someone, it seems like they are everywhere?

A few weeks ago I was looking for something to watch on Hulu and stumbled across "Love in the Wild." It's a silly reality show where 12 men and 12 women try to get to know each other and find love, all the while doing difficult things in the wilds of the Dominican Republic.  I love the idea of adventure and love, and thought it was a fun, though not really romantic, show.  The host was Jenny McCarthy.

I couldn't remember what she had done. "MTV" my husband stated.

The next week I was looking through my library's audio files to find a book to listen to and I found the book "Love, lust and faking it, The naked truth about sex, lies and true romance."  Isn't that a great title!  It was by Jenny McCarthy.  I never read any of her other books, but people had mentioned they were funny, so I downloaded the book.

It has mixed reviews, but I liked it.  It was funny, but not hilarious.  But more than that, I could relate to it.  She is a woman of my age, trying to figure out how to be happy in this world.  How to love herself and feel satisfied.     Isn't that what we are all trying to do?

In listening to the book, I learned that while she might have done MTV, she got her start posing for playboy.  For some reason it makes me happy that my husband didn't know that fact.

I'll be happy when....

I'm always chasing my elusive happiness.

I'll be happy when...
I lose this extra weight.
I have more money.
I have a clean house.
I'm on vacation

Today I want to just be happy.  Stop running after it.  Just be it.

I am happy because...
I got to catch up with a friend.
I have a hot cup of coffee in front of me.
I can hug my kids when they get off the bus.
I will hold my husbands hand when I sleep.

It's a choice, the postponed joy or the one in front of us.

Holding back

My son William, or Will as he now calls himself, has an April birthday.  The current trend of waiting a year to start kids with summer birthdays makes him one of the youngest in his class.  This wouldn't be a big deal, if he wasn't also one of the shortest and slowest readers.  He is surrounded by giants, a full head or more taller than him, who are reading chapter books.

All year my husband and I have debated on having him repeat 1st grade.

 I was fearful of all the social stigmas and emotional drama that may occur.  I don't want him to feel like a failure.   Holding him back would also mean his little sister would be in the same grade.  She is already an excellent reader and doesn't help Will's wavering self confidence.  (And that is why you should never have Irish twins!)

My husband fully believes that another year to grow and mature will help him succeed in school and life.  That he will make new friends and life will carry on.  Obviously my husband is not the emotional one in the family.

The school year is coming to a close.  I knew we (I) had to make a decision, so after one last conversation with my husband and Will, I told the teacher and school we were going to retain him.

Several forms have come home and there will be a team meeting with at least 5 administrators to make the final decision.   The forms do show him to be an excellent candidate for retention...except for the sister. And I feel better knowing that experienced professionals will be a part of the process.

Yet a small (or maybe not so small) part of my hy heart still worries.  Not just about his success in first grade, but the path his entire life will take.  What do these early struggles say about his future?  Can a slow learner become an amazing scholar  or does that even matter in todays world?  

I always thought of myself as an empathetic person,  yet I now realize that I had quite wrong opinions about children who were struggling in school.   I learned easily, on schedule, and I thought anyone could succeed if they tried.  But not everyone can learn at the expected pace or in the standard manner.

Schools are currently set up to teach all kids in one style, regardless of gender or skills.  Our children are grouped by age, rather than abilities, interests, and energy levels.  I think this is a disservice to our children,  not only for those who struggle but also those who need more challenges.

I never thought about any of this until it became personal.   And now that it is, I want so much more for my kids, all our kids and for our educational system.

Just like a New Years

I"m not a big fan of making New Years Resolutions.  I have found that no matter how good my intentions, within a weeks of the new year I start to slip back into my old ways.  Soon all resolutions are forgotten.  Well, not exactly forgotten, as they still linger in the back of my mind, making me feel guilty.

Blogging is much the same.  I started with such gusto and passion!  So many ideas and things to write about.

But then the weather got warm and working in the garden seemed like so much more fun.  I got a cold.  I got cramps.  There was Spring break and the kids were home.  Excuses are so easy!

Being dedicated to any purpose after the initial excitement has worn off is truly challenging!

Brazilian body Wax

Based on the fact that I don't shave for most of the winter, it should come as no surprise that I've never had my body waxed.    Well, I can't quite say never.  There was the one time when I tried to wax at home. I heated the tub in the microwave, rubbed the warmed wax onto my legs with a small spatula, applied the white strips and yanked.  Needless to say the pain and ingrown hairs did not beg for a repeat experience.

I don't know why waxing never became a part of my life.  I grew up by the beach and loved to be in the water.   But at the age of 11 my mother gave me a razor and some simple instructions and that was the end of my hair removal training.

So, with my general lack of waxing knowledge, I was really surprised to recently learn that women get themselves waxed to deliver their babies    They want to be presentable and tidy for the doctors and nurses.  

I can't believe I've been alive for so many years, read so many women's magazines and yet I'm still surprised by all the things women do to be beautiful.  I know all about the hours at the hair salon  and the gym, the diets,  and the endless struggles to be in fashion.  But now there's this too!

What's next, tweezing before an oil change?

Sasquatch Legs

In the winter, I tend to get a little lazy about shaving my legs.  The cold, dry weather makes my legs itch and get really irritated when I shave.  And since I'm in pants day and night, no one sees the hairy mess they become.

But spring is here!  The fans are spinning, the weeds are taking over  and  pollen is covering everything.

So, I must break out the razor once more.  (I think my husband might be happy about this news.)

Men are doing it 2 minutes longer than in 2003

 Women should be celebrating! 

 Men are now spending 16 minutes a day doing housework and women have cut their time down to just 52 minutes a day.  

But the way I see it, women are still cleaning the house 36 minutes more than men.

Now, if all women were just homemakers, housewives or stay at home moms, they might be dancing around with their mops and vacuums   But women are now getting more college degrees then men and filling all levels of the work force.  And yet they are still carrying the bulk of the household responsibilities.

In December, the Wall Street Journal had an article called "A truce in the chore wars."   Shellie Porter, research and development section head for Tide North America said that a woman is "very nervous about the thought of someone else doing laundry because she has her special recipe of how she does it."

A 2011 report said that "42% of women don't trust their partner or spouse to meet their standard of clean."  

Do we really have our own special recipe?   Do we have trust issues when it comes to our husband and washing clothes or clean the house?   

Maybe it really is our fault that we are still doing so much work.  If we just let go, let them do it their way, would we free up more of our time for our scramble addictions.  

Scramble with Friends addiction

At first I only played Scramble with Friends, against friends.  I had one or two games going at a time.  Then, after my confidence (aka... addiction) had grown, I branched out and started to play random people. 

Over that past few months, Scramble has had a few updates and now it offers a weekly challenge, a weekly leader board, and options for choosing a players against the rankings list.  And that's when the real problem kicked in.  When I could see my ranking, I felt compelled to be at the top!  I started to play bunches of games at once.

For a while I held a pretty good position, but then I slowly started to drop. How could I compete against Purpleshakiss and Allen Tran81?  Their scores are nearly double mine!

My family started to be concerned with the amount of time I spent playing phone games.  The "excellent" and "genius" sounds were mocked from the other room.  My children asked for me to put my phone down and walk away.

I've promised to lessen my obsessive playing.  I still salivate like Pavlov's dogs each time I get a notification that it's my turn, but I"m trying to come to terms with the fact that unless I cheat, I will not be in the coveted #1 position.  I will have to be OK with being in the Top 2% globally, in pathetic spot 22.

Downey puts someone in the mood

Did you know that the Downy Simple Pleasures collection is supposed to help a woman "take a moment and feel more alluring, daring, or any mood she may feel the desire to express?"  

While I'm not certain how doing the laundry could possibly make me feel daring or alluring, my husband seems to  have hopes. 

Several years ago he saw a Downy commercial.  It showed a smiling woman finish her laundry and eagerly entice her man into the clean, sensually scented sheets.  

My husband went out and bought that fabric softener the next day!   

I thought it smelled terrible and was happy when that bottle was empty.  Sadly, it did not have the results he had hoped for. 

However, since then, it seems like every time I wash the sheets, my husbands interest in me perks up.    It's as though he still hopes that Downy's promise of some simple pleasures will someday come true.    

I don't have the heart to tell him that I use Seventh Generation Softener.  Our bed is a greener, less toxic place, but I don't think that will leave him with the warm fuzziness that the sexy Downy commercial has etched in his memory.

WebMD freaks me out

If you are prone to overreacting, anxiety and needless worry, you should never go to http://www.webmd.com/  If you do go there, you will type in your symptoms, such as a lump in your groin, and you will  freak out when you read it's possibly cancer.  It will also list several other possibilities  but don't pay any attention to those options, you will be certain that you are dying.

You will then schedule an appointment with your doctor and have several sleepless nights while you fret and worry.  When you finally get in to the see doctor, she will look at your lump and laugh out loud.  Yes, laugh out loud...at your ingrown hair.

If you are a normal person who doesn't overreact, it's a great site!  Really wonderful information that can help you get on the right path to health.  

But, if you are are anything like me, stay away!  Far far away.  Just skip all the pain and agony and go straight to your doctor.

Pantie lines

I'm not afraid to admit it!  I like to wear 100% cotton, not quite granny, panties.  But these comfortable underwear leave a lot to be desired when worn under yoga pants.  There is a clear and distinct line.

So each time I go to the gym, which isn't nearly enough,  I'm left with a dilemma of having pantie lines or going without.

OK, maybe these aren't my only choices. 

I could wear running shorts with the panties sewn in. 

I could wear Spanx under my pants (wouldn't that be a sweaty mess).  

I could buy some pricey yoga undies.  Guess I'm not alone in this underwear crisis.  It looks like Victoria Secrets understands my problem.    

I know, I know.  I should get over my disdain for the ugly pantie line and just be proud that I'm at the gym.  But I really don't think that's going to happy anytime soon.  

Why do women wear clothes that require special underwear?
 Strapless dresses, backless gowns and yoga pants!

How to prepare for the Queen

1.  You must dust all doorways, chair rails and furniture... just dust everything, twice.  And have no doubt, she will find the one spot you missed.  See those white gloves...they will tell her the truth about your housekeeping.

2.  Make all your beds.  You may think that your bedroom is safe, but she will find a reason to get in there.  A shut door does not stop her.

3.  Don't hide things under your bed.  She will find a way into your dark corners.  Same goes for your closet.  And the garage.  And your heart.

4.  Have your kitchen filled with healthy foods and drinks. She will silently judge moldy cheese and a random selection of beer.

5.  No matter how hard you try, you will feel that you can not impress her.
Do some meditation and deep breathing to get emotionally prepared.

----
Side note ---Mom,although you are on your way here, please don't take this as a comment directed only at you.   All women entering my home stress me out.  Upon crossing my threshold, my mind turns even my best of friends and most loved family into cruel judgmental queens.

And yes, I am trying to work on my insecurities.

Elephant Knees

Last fall, Fifth Harmony came in third on X Factor.  I wasn't a huge fan of the group and was happy that Tate Stevens won the show.  But I really liked the girls styling.  They were wearing short shorts with a blouse.  They looked flirty and fun.

As spring is approaching, I'm wondering if a woman of 40 should attempt to wear the same styles as girls of 16.    Eventually, the legs of even the most fit women begin to show their age and I am certainly not the most fit of women.

Although I've always been critical of my legs (cookies are not kind to the thighs) I've started wondering if they are also starting to show my age.

I've begun to worry about elephant knees; loose skin that sags and gathers at the knee.   When I last checked my cellulite was keeping the skin firm above the knee.  Lumpy, but firm.  But, who knows how long that will last.

So I'm really torn.  Should I embrace my youth as long as I can or should I age gracefully into the carpi?

Penneys Pain

Have you been into J.C. Penney in the past year?  Based on revenue and share price, I'd guess the answer is no.

In 2011 they hired a new CEO, Ron Johnson, who has really been trying to turn the store around.  The dark, dank clutter of yesteryear is being replaced with light, white stores.   The prices are great and the clothes are current.

So why aren't people shopping there?  I'd guess the major problem is name.

Mr. Johnson, if you are listening, I'd suggest you shut down the stores and do a name change.  People will think you sold and new stores are going in. They will want to check out the grand opening and be pleasantly surprised.

 You see, I think most of us cringe when we think of  Penney's.  It's the store our mom's forced us to shop in, full of awful polyester.


  Our intellect tells us you have updated things, but you must know by know by now that our emotions rule our shopping decisions.

   I have shopped in a Penney's and liked what I bought, but I don't tell my friends that I shop there (until now).  It's easier to admit I "accidently" bought  something while grocery shopping at Walmart than to say I purposely went into a Penney's


I'm not sure if it will help all your woes, but by changing the name you will free us from our traumatic childhood memories and maybe you will get the target audience you are seeking.

Tomato Potato

Early into our relationship my husband started letting me know that I say things incorrectly.  Before he came around I had no idea!  I guess my Midwestern parents and valley girl childhood did not give me great oratory skills.

Here is a very partial list of words

    WORD                  HOW I SAY IT

•     salsa                      salza
•     cabinet                 cabnet
•     ruin                       roon (rhymes with moon)
•     our                         rrr (like a pirate)
•     to                            ta (very George Bush of me)
•     a                             uh (my 5 year old can't figure  out how to spell "a" 

                                               because of me)

I know that for the most part Wayne is right (don't tell him I said that).   I say things in my own "special" way and I'm too old to change, much.  But there is one word I am not certain he's right about.

What do you call the site/ap Pinterest?

 I say pintrest...2 sylables (pin and trest)
 My husband insists I should say pinterest with 3 sylables (pin ter est)

I'm competitive and wanted to prove him wrong, but can't find an answer.  I even went to their "about" page!  Argh!

Tagalongs

 A few weeks ago I had the flu.  I felt like crap, didn't eat much, and lost a few pounds!  I have a love hate relationship with the flu.  I don't like feeling so awful, but I really love losing weight without working on it!  With summer and my birthday around the corner, I was determined to keep those extra pounds off.

 Then, those mean little girls started selling their cookies.  Those terrible girls with their sweet voices and smiles, selling those hard to resist Girl Scout Cookies in front of every store.

One box of Tagalongs has 15 cookies, I think I ate half before I got home.   Something about peanut butter and chocolate makes me go a little crazy.

Once I get started, I loose all discipline   I throw any diet out the window and completely start binging on sweets.  I have moved on to Birthday Cake Oreo cookies and adding chocolate chips to my morning yogurt.

Why is it that when we are so close to reaching a goal we sabotage ourselves?  Are we afraid of success?  I was just pounds away from a decent summer body and now I"m soft in the middle...just like those terribly yummy tagalongs.

Fever

Last week I saw Justin Bieber on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon.  The kid seemed nervous, twitchy and odd.  I don't know much about him, so I thought maybe he's just high strung and always acts that way.

They went on to play a game of tossing junk through a basketball hoop.  Justin missed all his shots, but I thought maybe he he didn't have much in the ways athletic skills.   

I like to give people the benefit of the doubt, but his odd behavior  still left me wondering if it wasn't something more.

Last night as I browsed Netflix for something to watch, I found  Justin Bieber: Never Say Never,  the 2011 documentary about Justin's rise from a small town kid in Canada to a pop phenomenon.   Since his odd interview was still on my mind, I decided to do a quick scan of his life.  After just a few minutes of watching the movie, I found that Justin was a born performer, not one to squirm while being interviewed.  And that he could make a basket from the 3 point line.  

So, while I don't know what might make you pick at your clothes and wiggle in your seat, I'm pretty sure that he wasn't himself.  And after reading that he showed up hours late to his London concert,   I'd guess that he's suffering from more than a celebration gone wild or a harmless dabbling into pot.   Only an artist with serious problems would leave an audience waiting so long that they booed him and left.  

Whatever it is,  I hate to see a life derailed.    I certainly hope he gets back on track.  Otherwise the the Bieber Fever will cool and he will have real reasons to twitch.

Baby Fresh

When I was recently shopping for some lady hygiene products, I accidentally grabbed the wrong box.  I got home and discovered that I had purchased a box of heavily scented tampons.  They claim to be fresh, but I find it to be more of an  overwhelming sick scent.

This accidental purchase has left me wondering why women would choose to buy scented tampons.

I understand that a fresh scented pad might keep things smelling more pleasant down below, but for the life of me, I don't understand why any scent should be added a tampon.  Once it's been used, I can't seem how anyone will be able to smell it.  

Adding a scent just seems to be asking for trouble. 

Secret Lies

A woman turning 40 shouldn't be a fan of The Lying Game !  Or at least that's that I think as I secretly watch it while the kids are at school.

There are several shows that I am embarrassed to admit that I watch, but the Lying Game is at the top of the list.  There are twins separated at birth, murder, lying and a super hot guy.  Thank god I"m only old enough to be his older sister, not his mother!

I know I like the show because it's about twins finding each other.   I was a lonely kid and I frequently imagined that I had a twin sister.  I can't remember my back story as to why my mother gave her away, but as far as I was concerned and no matter how much she protested, I knew she did.  And I always wanted to go away to summer camp, hoping that we would find each other like the sisters in The Parent Trap .     

Now maybe I"m showing my age by the fact I prefer the original Haley Mills movie, rather than the Lindsay Lohan remake, but really there is no comparison   Whenever I hear Let's Get Together, which isn't often, I still smile.

My missing twin fantasy was reinforced when, at 9 years old, I read the book Lisa and Lottie.  This book, written by Erich Kaster in 1949, was the inspiration for the film adaptations.    I didn't know that at the time, only that everywhere I turned twins were separated,  so I should keep looking for mine.    

Quite some time has come to pass and I have yet to find my missing twin.  Maybe it's because I haven't been to summer camp since 1985.  But until I find her, I'm going to live through the exciting adventures of reconnected twins Emma and Sutton, who both get to kiss Ethan Whitehorse.