How to prepare for the Queen

1.  You must dust all doorways, chair rails and furniture... just dust everything, twice.  And have no doubt, she will find the one spot you missed.  See those white gloves...they will tell her the truth about your housekeeping.

2.  Make all your beds.  You may think that your bedroom is safe, but she will find a reason to get in there.  A shut door does not stop her.

3.  Don't hide things under your bed.  She will find a way into your dark corners.  Same goes for your closet.  And the garage.  And your heart.

4.  Have your kitchen filled with healthy foods and drinks. She will silently judge moldy cheese and a random selection of beer.

5.  No matter how hard you try, you will feel that you can not impress her.
Do some meditation and deep breathing to get emotionally prepared.

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Side note ---Mom,although you are on your way here, please don't take this as a comment directed only at you.   All women entering my home stress me out.  Upon crossing my threshold, my mind turns even my best of friends and most loved family into cruel judgmental queens.

And yes, I am trying to work on my insecurities.